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This Week’s Sermon – “The Long Goodbye”

By Britt Schramm

February 13, 2006

Greetings, y’all.

Since this column posts this close to Valentine’s Day, I was thinking about writing about different methods of getting your significant other into reading comics. When I started writing it, I realized that this subject was very tired. Every fanboy (or for that matter, Fangirl) have pontificated on how to share the love of comics. So, I really wasn’t feeling it. Then I got an email that became my muse for this edition of PftL.

For those who don't know, our E-I-C, Chris Ryall, and three other MPS regulars (my category mate - Prof. Scott Tipton, Rassler Scott Bowden and Squibber Joshua Jabcuga) have left our beloved pages to do other things; most notably to write for a new site called Comics101.com. I could be a lazy dick and rehash my same sappy commentary that I posted elsewhere on the Internet (actually - I just linked to it but you get the picture).

But in doing that regurgitation, I felt that it would be too disingenuous for both my departing colleagues and myself. Yet I couldn't do a MPS column without at least doing something in their honor. That's not how I roll, brother. So, I gots to thinkin'. “How can I give these guys a proper sendoff but in my own PftL-style?"

The first idea that came to mind was doing a nice spoof of one of their columns - somewhat similar to the Larry King column that I did a couple of months ago. But I wasn’t totally sold on that tact, as I was afraid that it would come off as more of a mocking-type thing than anything else since my ability to rein in the sarcasm is somewhat suspect.

Then, the next thought that shot into my head seemed more like the tone of this column. “Why not create a Top 4 of superheroes who leave/quit their current gigs?” My thinking was that it would be something that would be universal to all of us who reads the four-color gems and quite possibly for those people who do not hang on every word that a 2-dimensional person says.

(Writer’s note – All of these books take place during my first tour of reading comics, which would give the born on date of these books from 1978 to 1984. For me, that was the time when I was more naïve about the world of superheroes - meaning the “grown-up” world of teenagers and adults. So I was basically the total opposite of the jaded and opinionated comic book columnist that you've come to know and love/hate. There is also another reason for the use of the old books and I know that it will make me sound like a crusty old curmudgeon as well as a hypocrite although neither accusation would be able to discount my rationale. That six-year period was also the timeframe when you didn’t have a Previews catalogue available to tell you what might happen to the comic title three months down the road nor was the Internet around to let plot details leak on the various message boards and/or blogs that exist today. Yeah, pulling back the curtain and taking out the “velvet rope” that were guarding the behind-the-scenes creative process of comic books has been good for the most part but there’s no doubt that it does take some of the shine and luster away from the immersion of reading comics month in and month out.)

With that out of the way, let us get to the list. Who’s with me? (Like you really had a choice…)

The PftL Top Four Character Leaving/Quitting Comic Books

Number 4 – Justice League of America #181

Plot Recap – Green Arrow bails on the JLA and leaves a long-winded explanation via that new piece of 80’s technology, a tape recorder, detailing his decision to leave the League. Good old Ollie was noticing that the dynamics of the team had changed which didn’t sit with him all that well. In the League’s quest to help everybody out on a global scale, the team had to bulk up on the power quotient; meaning that half of the super-heroes on the team’s roster could level mountains thus making the big problems their main crime fighting focus.

Ya see, at the time, Green Arrow was all about helping the little guys that didn’t have a super villain breathing down their back but had “The Man” after them (“The Man” being either an unjust lawyer or a corrupt businessman using their influences to squeeze out anyone that was in their path). So, with those people needing that kind of help, Green Arrow made the observation that at one point, the Justice League of America was something that he believed in being a part of but at that point, he didn’t see that anymore. So, Ollie packed up his stuff and teleported out. The League didn’t take him at his word and tried to talk the Emerald Archer into coming back but finally made him a reserve member.

Why #4 – At the time, I was too young to have read the hard-charging heroes tale of Green Lantern/Green Arrow by Dennis O’Neil and Neal Adams. So hearing this type of anti-establishment social agenda from a superhero was unique. Maybe this was the issue that Theo Epstein read when he decided to “quit” being the General Manager of the Boston Red Sox and help out his brother with community service. What’s oddly funny about that last sports allusion is that they both came back to their respective organization in time. Who says that life doesn’t imitate art…

Number 3 – The Invincible Iron Man #169

Plot Recap – Tony Stark falls off the wagon hard once again after realizing that a business competitor of his, Obadiah Stane (great name by the way), has taken over his company. Of course, a forgettable villain named Magma decides that it’s a perfect time to attack Stark’s business complex. In his Manhattan suite, Stark is already three sheets to the wind and looking for his friends in low places when he finds out about the assault on his business by this low-tier villain.

So Stark does what any right-thinking drunk would do, get in a high-tech piece of equipment and fly over to defend his turf. Needless to say, a drunken Iron Man is no match for the felonious might of Magma. To avoid being thoroughly trounced by a lame villain like Magma, Iron Man stumbles away to his Iron Man lair for protection. He takes off his gear, casts the pieces aside like a bunch of dirty clothes and goes for a bottle of Jack in his tightey whiteys. He finally passes out with Jim Rhodes coming in to put on the Iron Man suit and save the day.

Why #3 – Since I didn’t read the prior time when Stark developed his addiction to alcohol, the only other time I saw anyone constantly under the influence of alcohol or drugs was either on “Hill Street Blues” during the times that I could sneak past the parents to watch it or seeing my “weeded out” next-door neighbors. They were the ones who would play catch with a Frisbee for hours on end in their bare feet. On gravelly pavement that was littered with broken glass pieces during the summer evenings. Yeah, good times. Plus, if it wasn't for this storyline, Twisted Toyfare Theater wouldn't be as twisted.

Number 2 – The New Teen Titans Vol. 1, #39

Plot Recap – After making it out of another Brother Blood trap and while Terra reports her findings to Deathstroke, Kid Flash goes to Titan Tower as Wally West in his street clothes to make an announcement. When he finally arrives, he gathers the heroes together to tell them that he’s quitting the Titans. After being pressed by the team, Wally begins giving out a laundry list of reasons why he’s leaving like wanting to grow up, his speed is slowing down, he can’t handle his love/hate relationship with Raven, etc.

As soon as Wally has said his peace, Robin chimes in stating that he will no longer be the Boy Wonder and that he’s changing identities. But since he doesn’t know what his new name will be, he has decided to take a leave of absence until he chooses a name. Everybody gets all melancholy and touchy-feely with Wally splitting with some chick named Frances Kane and Dick leaving with Starfire to get it on somewhere.

Why #2 – This was my second favorite book out at the time and this issue was the start of something huge. Let’s go down the list – Dick Grayson becomes Nightwing in this story arc, Terra turns traitor, Deathstroke learns the secret identities to all of the Titans, Terra tries to kill the Titans but ends up killing herself. Plus, Marv Wolfman and George Perez were at the helm during all of this. It was must read comic books, I’m telling you. Although, there could be only one book that would be able top this one and fortunately (for this list and for me as a matter of fact), it sits at number one.

Number 1 – Uncanny X-Men #138

Plot Recap – The X-Men return home and they all try to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives in the wake of the death of Jean Grey/Marvel Girl/Phoenix/Dark Phoenix. There is a funeral in her memory at Professor Xavier’s School for the Gifted. During the service, her lover, Scott Summers (Cyclops), reminisces about his (and Jean’s) life and times with the X-Men.

The service ends and after some serious soul searching and deep thoughts, Scott decides that it’s time to move on from the school and begin a new life. The professor and some of his fellow students understand and say their goodbyes. As Scott walks out the door, Kitty Pryde arrives to start her training to become the all-powerful Shadow Cat (or I could be wrong on that one).

Why #1 – Wha? Are you kidding? This issue was a hallmark closer for the Dark Phoenix saga. There was only one X-Men book out during that time and it was on top of the comic book world. First, the team composition was classic (sorry, Silver Age fans, but with Wolvie, Storm, and Colossus on this team, the original five really didn’t stand a chance). Then, there was the Phoenix/Dark Phoenix storyline. The entire thing was such a soap opera that you couldn’t help being drawn into reading it and talking about it with your little clique of comic book reading friends. For you younger folks out there, it’s kinda like how everyone obsesses about the plot details in the latest episode of 24, Lost, or which loser was tossed from American Idol nowadays except this stuff was better. It was so easy to be hooked and I was there for it; hook, line and sinker.

This issue was also during the time when Chris Claremont and John Bryne were at their creative zenith. Whatever happened to those guys? You never hear anything from them anymore. Also, this issue introduced the world to Kitty Pryde, a character that is so ingrained with X-Men that Joss Whedon brought her back to help star in Astonishing X-Men. This guy probably could’ve brought back Jean Grey, who is dead yet again. But he chose Kitty, which speaks volumes to me.

Well, there you have it. My little homage to the four guys who helped me out, gave me something to ponder or sincerely provided me with some reading enjoyment here at the Shoot. Good luck, guys. Come back anytime. But don’t forget to call first. I think that they’ve changed the locks here.

But I’m not done. Since I have a few words knocking around in my brain, I thought that I’d give you, my dear readers, a heads-up about some decent publicity that comic books are getting from the mainstream press. And if the columnette goes over well, I’ll bring it out again. So consider the stuff listed below a beta run.

Comics In the News

The March issue of GIANT magazine (with that ever so dreamy Zach Braff on the cover - pictured left) is loaded with great articles on comics. The first one was a four-page spread on the movie directed by those Neo-loving Wachowski Brothers called “The Ultimate Guide to V for Vendetta” based on a mini-series book written by Alan Moore – There even a list of Moore’s greatest hits if you could call them that since they sadly missed including Top Ten or Promethea (pg. 64). There was also a review of the new book by funny guy Tom Tomorrow titled “Hell in a Handbasket” which received an A+ (pg. 112). Another review was two pages later on the recent Concrete: The Human Dilemma trade by Dark Horse, which received a B (pg. 114).

On the opposite page, DC Senior VP-Executive Editor Dan Didio gives a good interview about the state of the DC Universe and provides a little breakdown on the upcoming One Year Later and 52 projects (pg. 115). But the most shocking comic book related piece was that the mag gave Ultimate Avengers: The Movie the first page in their DVD section as well grade the movie an A+ (pg. 94). Wow, I never saw that one coming. In case you were wondering, the movie is released in stores on February 21st.

In this week’s Entertainment Weekly (with the luscious Natalie Portman on the cover - pictured on the right), there is a six-page preview about V for Vendetta as well but nothing else comics-related.

That’s it for this week. See ya next time. Don’t forget to keep your bags and boards together and your continuity straight.

Send column-specific e-mail using the link below. You can also read about my thoughts on SCRAPPED the movie, the new Monday Night Football broadcast team, and my current weight loss progress as well as my current eBay auctions at brittschramm.com. Plus, check out my reviews of anything and everything that has to do with Pop Culture at Kung Fu Rodeo.

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