SOCOM: SEAL TEAM SEVEN
Written by M. Zachary Sherman and Drawn by Roberto De La Torre
Published by Image Comics

Take one disgraced CIA agent in need of redemption, add a corrupt U.S. President bent on changing the world in his own image, and tack on an invasion by the aqua-warriors from the mythological city of Atlantis and you have SEAL TEAM SEVEN. If that smells a lot like a widescreen, tentpole, summer-movie action flick, then there’s no need for you to pick your nose; your senses are right on target.

Agent Douglas Griffin has been reassigned to an intelligence desk following the deaths of most of his team on a mission, but he isn’t to remain there for long. Instead, he’s sent off with an old nemesis to investigate a missing nuclear submarine (shades of THE ABYSS). What he finds will ultimately lead him to the bottom of the ocean and to a culture long thought to be a myth. And that culture is pretty pissed, as it seems that the U.S. Government made some promises that it has willfully violated, and the time for talk is over. The time for blowing some shit up and killing millions of people has arrived instead. Death, destruction, and a solemn vow to never eat sushi again follow in its wake.

SEAL TEAM SEVEN is, at its core, pretty standard stuff. There’s a tough guy, a nemesis whom he must learn to work with, a corrupt official, a traitor… the one thing thankfully lacking is an insipid love interest. But to be fair… you don’t buy a book like this expecting genius-level character work. You expect to be able to shut off your brain, see some cool stuff, and that it will have a quick enough pace that you skip over any plot inconsistencies without having the chance to think about them. So in this case, SEAL TEAM SEVEN delivers. You also hope that the artist will throw open his bag of tricks and deliver maximum cool, and De La Torre certainly succeeds in doing that.

When a studio develops a summer tentpole flick, they inevitably cross their fingers and hope that they can develop a franchise. So it comes as no surprise when reading this book that it is left wide open for future stories and that the creative team is already well on their way to completing a second volume. Despite the book’s faults, I was entertained by SEAL TEAM SEVEN and am not averse to checking out the next volume and seeing where it goes. All we need is a big bowl of popcorn, and everything is set.

SIBAM?

Clearly, even if Sherman wasn’t already a Hollywood scriptwriter, this book would obviously be angled at Tinseltown. There are a few humps to get over, however. The big one: putting this thing on film would cost a fortune. We’re talking in the $150 million range. So you’d better cast someone who’s a sure box office draw, or the chances of pissing away the budget for a mid-sized city are pretty good. Loads of CGI, tons of makeup effects, lots of shots in and around water… that rumbling sound you just heard was a producer’s ulcer expanding three-fold. It wouldn’t surprise me to see someone try it, though.

GUN-FU: SHOWGIRLS ARE FOREVER
Written by Dave Sim and Howard Shum and Drawn by Darryl Young
Published by Image Comics

GUN FU is one of my favorite concepts of the past few years. Set during World war Two, Cheng Bo Sen is Hong Kong cop and Britain’s finest secret agent. Not only does that make for an interesting combination, but he also speaks in modern hip-hop dialect (which no one says word-one about). Traveling the world to battle Nazis and chase tail, high-action and hilarity follow. For the first time, Shum allows another writer to play with his character, as the legendary Sim steps in to co-author. There really isn’t much difference with Sim aboard than in any of the previous GUN FU books; the plot (such as it is) involves French showgirls turned assassins and Cheng’s attempts to stop (and bed) them. Wisely, this is a one-off effort, as this type of humor plays poorly as it gets stretched. I enjoyed SHOWGIRLS just fine, had some giggles, and felt satisfied when I put it down. Solid.

SUPERIOR SHOWCASE #1
Written and Drawn by Various
Published by AdHouse Books

Following in the footsteps of last year’s well-received anthology, PROJECT SUPERIOR, comes this first regular pamphlet of a series in the same vein. SUPERIOR SHOWCASE and its predecessor bring an indy comics sensibility to the lives and loves of those with super powers. Crossing the mundane with the super can always be a little risky; sometimes it comes off as precious. Sometimes it comes off as trite. And occasionally you hit the mark. The first story in this book, Nick Bertozzi’s “Supermart” unfortunately plays as mundane; yes, it doesn’t have to be consequential that his characters have powers, but even if they didn’t, the story (about a convenience store and bullies) doesn’t engage. The second story, Mike Dawson’s “Ace-Face” is excellent, until he reaches the conclusion and delivers an unsatisfying and un-fitting ending; even a first-year law student could get the hero out of his predicament. The final tale, Dean Trippe’s “Butterfly,” comes close to being too precious, but grants a smile with a solid ending. In all, a mixed bag, but not an awful start.

HACK/SLASH: TRAILERS
Written by Tim Seeley and Drawn by Various
Published by Devil’s Due

HACK/SLASH has such a perfectly solid premise: Cassie hack is the sole survivor of a slasher killer’s rampage (the killer: her mother!), and along with her deformed friend Vlad, she travels the world looking to end the rampages of other slashers. Zesty. This latest effort is apparently purely a lark (I think); Seeley takes three or four pages to present movie-style “trailers” for stories not quite workable over the full-length of a comic or that are simply too loopy to work in Cassie’s corner of the universe. This allows for the writer to get a little crazy and have fun, plus work with a multitude of artists who might not otherwise have the time in their schedules to do a complete tale. The first story in the book, “Blood and Nuts” is the one that I actually found myself wishing Seeley would play with a bit more; Cassie versus violent cartoon animals brought to real life has a high amusement factor to it. But Seeley’s “Tub Club,” which he also drew, is a ludicrous embarrassment. Faux lesbian killers at an all-girls academy, with lots of near-nudity and girl/girl action. Is that GLAAD I hear calling?

ZOMBIE TALES: THE DEAD
Written and Drawn by Various
Published by Boom Studios

Boom appears to be bringing its ZOMBIE series to a close for now (at least it feels that way), and I think that’s the right move. While there’s still some life here, as evidenced by the amusing “Four Out Of Five,” by John Rogers, more material falls flat than before, especially Jim Pascoe’s “A Game Called Zombie.” Also notable is that the two series that have been running in these books since the beginning, “I, Zombie” and “Deadest Meat”, come to conclusions in this book. Thankfully, both stories end with solid efforts, especially Keith Giffen’s “Deadest Meat.” This story, which told the tale of a zombie struggling to retain his human memories, even as more of him was eaten away by the zombie plague, was full of pathos and never felt obvious or predictable. I think, as Boom found its footing as a publisher, that the ZOMBIE TALES books were a perfect idea. Easily marketable and sporting covers that leapt off the stands, they caught the comics zeitgeist and held on tight. But now, with the company’s success beginning to grow exponentially, they can afford to turn their attention to other endeavors without fear. A word of silence for the dead, if you please.

ESSENTIAL GODZILLA
Written by Doug Moench and Drawn by Herb Trimpe and Others
Published by Marvel Comics

Long-time readers of this column know that I love Godzilla more than any human being reasonably should. I would run over my mother for the opportunity to write stories about the Big Green Badass. A GODZILLA movie comes across my TV screen, and my schedule goes to shit, because I have to stop and watch. So it may come as some surprise that I had never read any of these comics, the entire series of which was published by Marvel in the mid-70s. Over the years I’ve looked for back issues, but prices have kept me at bay. So I was stoked when I saw that Marvel was going to print all 24 issues in the Essential format as a one-time deal.

But lets be honest: I knew they were going to suck. A pretty healthy chunk of the company’s output at the time was a nightmare of poor quality, and considering that one of the most popular characters on the planet didn’t make it past year two, you had to take that as a sign. But what you aren’t prepared for is just how awful this stuff is. This stuff makes Kevin Federline look like a genius rapper and award-winning parent. That’s how bad it is.

Where to start? Herb Trimpe. Great artist. A legend. I love Herb’s stuff. Always have. But he couldn’t draw Godzilla to save his life. If they provided Herb any photo reference, he seems to have put it face down on a table and put a bottle of scotch on top of it. The Big Green look inconsistent from panel-to-panel and issue-to-issue. Fat, thin, height variances… you name it. Woof. Then you have to talk about Moench. Great writer. MASTER OF KUNG FU. SIX FROM SIRIUS. BATMAN. Doug’s got it going on. But he starts this series with no ideas and goes downhill from there. By the time that Godzilla gets shrunken by Pym particles! and he wanders New York City battling rats, fighting The Thing in a shark tank! and having a fistfight with Dum Dum Dugan, you’re begging for a lawyer from Toho Studios to pop up in the middle of a page and cancel the comic right then and there.

How do you say “Sweet crotch-sniffing bird-of-life! Who approved this abortion put-to-paper, anyway?” in Japanese?

Still… I loved every minute of this terrible, terrible book. God help me. I might need therapy. Lots and lots of therapy.

The kind of therapy that involves getting the license and having me write the character would be good…

See you in seven.

Review materials may be sent to: Marc Mason, P.O. Box 26732, Tempe, AZ 85285. You can also find me at Happy Nonsense and The Comics Waiting Room

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