By Chris Ryall
Monday, August 22
READY, SET, CHANGE -- 8 PM, TV Guide
Debut: People see their rooms turned into rooms from TV shows. I normally hate these types of programs, but if they can turn my living room into the Regal Beagle, I'm all for it.
FIGHTING THE ODDS: THE MARILYN CAMBRELL STORY -- 9 PM, Lifetime
Talk about fighting the odds--the odds of formerly big actresses/TV actresses ending up on Lifetime seems to go up weekly. Jamie Gertz is the latest lost soul.
INSIDE 9/11 -- 9 PM, Nat Geo
As much as I don't need to revisit the day, this second part recreates the events of September 11 through real phone messages and harrowing footage, too. If you have to reflect back and try to learn from that awful day, this is at least a worthwhile venture.
GROWING UP GOTTI -- 9 PM, A&E
Season Premiere: Aren't these kids grown up yet? Everyone says you're forced to grow up so much faster in this type of household, yet we're still subjected to their growing pains?
HISTORY DETECTIVES -- 9 PM, PBS
If it tells you anything about the Dog Days of Summer TV that we're in now, only a few weeks before the network's new shows, well, I'm mentioning shows on public television. So you know the well's about run dry.
THE ULTIMATE FIGHTER -- 11:05 PM, Spike
Season Premiere: Eighteen new would-be badasses get into the octagon to prove their mettle. Next week, you can find half their teeth for sale up on eBay.
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Chris Wallace
The Late Show with David Letterman: Ellen DeGeneres
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Roseanne Barr, Einstein the World's Smartest Bird, Bo Bice featuring Richie Sambora
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: Amy Poehler, Amy Miles, Ice-T
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: TBD
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Carl Reiner, Rufus Wainwright
Last Call with Carson Daly: TBD
Tuesday, August 23
WORLD SERIES OF POKER -- 6 PM, ESPN
Norman Chad, a funny columnist-turned-announce, covers the first two hours of the tournament. And like any good world series, it'll drag on way too long, not ending until October 11.
TRACKING THE MONSTER: ASHLEY JUDD AND INDIA.ARIE CONFRONT AIDS IN AFRICA -- 8 PM, VH-1
Since that's essentially a description and not a title, I'll instead wonder where Morgan Freeman is, since Ashley Judd rarely appears without him.
TOMMY LEE GOES TO COLLEGE -- 9 PM, NBC
Yep, college is just the spot you want to go when you're out to stop the excess partying and having sex with multiple young girls.
SHOOTOUT! -- 9 PM, History
The History Channel continues its recent, and sure-to-be-temporary, "non-Nazi" push with this show about the liberation of Iraq. As of press time, the show has no ending...
HI-JINKS -- 9:30 PM, Nick
What did little kids do to deserve a CANDID CAMERA remake? Sure, they're easier to fool than at least some adults, but they don't know half enough profanity to make the surprises worthwhile.
BIOGRAPHY -- 10 PM, A&E
The Arts & Entertainment network is out to be taken seriously, obviously. Which is explains why they now only profile serious college students like tonight's guest... Tommy Lee.
SEX IN GAMES -- 11 PM, G4
I assume this show focusing on hardcore gamers is explaining to them what sex actually is, or is focusing on the secret sex scenes in GRAND THEFT AUTO, because that's the only sex going on in their lives.
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Rachel Weisz
The Late Show with David Letterman: Billy Bob Thornton, Jermaine Dupri
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Owen Wilson, "Dancing with the Stars" winners, KEM
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: Kathy Griffin
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: TBD
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Minnie Driver, Snoop Dogg
Last Call with Carson Daly: TBD
Wednesday, August 24
QUO VADIS -- 6 AM, TCM
Did you ever think there'd come a day when I told you about a 24-hour QUO VADIS marathon? Neither did I, and yet, here it is. Sophia Loren fans, call in sick now.
SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE -- 8 PM, Fox
Maybe you can. But if you think you can stand to listen to these whiny people during their quick stop on the journey back to obscurity, well, I'd be willing to be you can't. I know I can't.
BRAT CAMP -- 9 PM, ABC
Season Finale: I know some people complained about the way THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT ended, but I have a feeling we'd all be okay if this show ended the same way.
BATTLE OF THE NETWORK REALITY STARS -- 9 PM, Bravo
In this particular Battle, there can be no victors. Especially the viewers.
THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS -- 9 PM, Spike
"It lets this movie come on in, or else it gets the hose again." You don't know what pain is... until you watch this movie after the censors got through with it.
KICKED OUT -- 10 PM, ABC Family
Debut: Parents kick out their unwanted kids and we have to watch what happens next. Well, we don't have to--I'm doing the same as these parents and kicking this show out of my living room.
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Sen. Trent Lott
The Late Show with David Letterman: Paul Newman, Danica Patrick
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Jessica Simpson, Josh Lucas, Willie Nelson
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: Howie Mandel
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: TBD
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Eric McCormack
Last Call with Carson Daly: TBD
Thursday, August 25
CURRENT CHANNEL
Channel Debut: Al Gore's badly named new channel starts up now. Don't we already have a "FUSE" channel, now we need "CURRENT," too? I expect something akin to GEORGE magazine, a new offering with lofty ambitions to satisfy all sides and ends up in the boring middle, but we'll see. It's aimed at people who were born after the existence of MTV, so maybe I'm too old for it.
BIG BROTHER 6 -- 8 PM, CBS
It seems quite ironic that a show with this title is no longer being watched by many people...
CELEBRITY POKER SHOWDOWN -- 8 PM, Bravo
Is the poker boom about to crap out? Based on this show's roster--Howie Mandel, Meat Loaf and the dads from MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE and 7TH HEAVEN, it's looking that way. Peter Dinklage, you and the phone book you're sitting on didn't seem to deserve to be lumped in with that crowd, but I know you're playing tonight, too.
BEING BOBBY BROWN -- 10 PM, Bravo
Season Fianle: It's billed as the season finale, but if you're lucky--by which I mean "screwed," you just might not have to wait another season for new episodes of Brown love.
STARVED -- 10 PM, FX
I really was hungry for a funny new sitcom, so I gave this show another chance and you know what? Same amount of empty, and unfunny, calories as before. I still love ya, FX, but try again.
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Christopher Hitchens
The Late Show with David Letterman: Tim Robbins
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Matthew Perry, Nick Cannon, Papa Roach
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: TBD
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: TBD
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Our Lady Peace
Last Call with Carson Daly: TBD
Friday, August 26
GUNSMOKE -- 6 PM, Encore Westerns
Encore Westerns takes a brief time-out from airing John Wayne movies to give you a weekend-long marathon of Matt Dillon and company.
ALL ABOUT THE BENJAMINS -- 8 PM, UPN
It must've been all about saving your benjamins when this movie debuted in 2002, because it sure didn't light the box office on fire. But maybe it's aged well?
KIM POSSIBLE -- 8 PM, Disney
Kim shows up here and then even has time to drop in a guest-spot on LILO & STITCH: THE SERIES right afterwards. And next season, she'll be appearing on LOST for four episodes, too.
BIOGRAPHY -- 8 PM, A&E
Child actors get their due here tonight. But only the successful ones like Ron Howard or Leo DiCaprio, not people like the two Coreys, Bud Bundy or Dakota Fanning (just a prediction. She's gonna peak at age 12).
RACHEL RAY'S TASTY TRAVELS -- 9:30 PM, Food
Rachel, please stop traveling to places like New York or N'awlins and head West to San Diego. I'm dying to learn if there are actually any good places to eat down here. So far, I tend to doubt it.
MONK -- 10 PM, USA
Season Finale: I felt like last season just ended, and yet here goes this one, too. Still, it was a nice, germ-free diversion for the summer, and MONK'll be back new in early '06, too, so that's a tolerable amount of time to wait (you listening, SOPRANOS?).
The Late Show with David Letterman: John Cusack
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Dr. Phil McGraw, Roger Ebert and Richard Roper, Kathleen Edwards
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: Hugh Hefner and his girls, Jason Mraz
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: TBD
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Stanley Bing
Last Call with Carson Daly: TBD
Saturday, August 27
LITTLE LEAGUE WORLD SERIES -- 12:30 PM, ABC
Today is the final match-up of two US teams before tomorrow's finale against those pesky foreign kids. It'll be like the BAD NEWS BEARS remake, only with more laughs.
GARFIELD: THE MOVIE -- 3 PM, HBO
See the movie that gave Bill Murray three extra years on this planet. At least I assume he made a deal with Satan to do this thing. We'll get into the deal he made for the sequel at a later date.
NASCAR SHARPIE 500 -- 4:30 PM, TNT
What do you mean, Nascar races don't sound all that masculine any more because of all the corporate sponsorhips? I think having "Sharpie" in the title gives it all kinds of edge, don't you?
SAVE OUR HISTORY -- 8 PM, History
This show looks at all the old space program ships and equipment that made it to space but now faces the ravages of time. I wouldn't worry about it too much--I'm sure you'll be able to Google these ships for the next millenia. Nothing disappears as long as Google's here.
DIANA'S LEGACY -- 8 PM, BBC America
Quite a legacy--she got people to be aware of land mines and set a record for most PEOPLE magazine covers. I think the first part is maybe more notable.
THE GRUDGE -- 8:30 PM, HBO
Buffy the Little Cat-Girl-Ghost Slayer shows up here in the 73rd adaptation of a Japanese horror film featuring a little girl ghost. You can bet it won't be the last, though.
ALL STAR KITCHEN MAKEOVER -- 9 PM, TVF
Season Finale: Emeril heads to Harlem to update a run-down school's kitchen. BLAM! Er, I mean, Bam!
PTERODACTYL -- 9 PM, Sci Fi
Here's an idea of how good trashy TV can be--Coolio and a girl from MODELS INC fight flying dinosaurs. Even better, you know who arrives to save the day at the last second? Yep, none other than Mansquito himself.
DODGEBALL: A TRUE UNDERDOG STORY -- 10 PM, Cinemax
It seems impossible to make an unfunny movie when you have Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn in the same movie, right? Nope, it's entirely possible, unfortunately.
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE -- 11:30 PM, NBC
Host: TBD; Musical guest: TBD (R)
Sunday, August 28
MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS -- 8 PM, MTV
So Sean "Puffy" Combs became Puff Daddy before becoming P. Diddy before dropping the heavy "P" and just going by "Diddy" now? And they still let this buffoon host this show? Even worse, they feature music performances from Mariah Carey, Kelly Clarkson and Shakira and try to make the show seem cool? Good luck with that.
THE 4400 -- 9 PM, USA
Season Finale! And so ends another decent summer show, leaving us with just crappy reality shows and... crappy reality shows. Luckily, the new Fall season is looming, none too soon.
BEYOND THE MOON: FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION II -- 9 PM, History
Unfortunately, it's been all too common an option for NASA lately. The space program is turning 35 now (technically at least 36, but who am I to question NASA's math?), so expect it to go out and get a shiny red convertible Space Shuttle now.
THE DEAD ZONE -- 10 PM, TNT
So I make jokes about "Farmer Ted" and all, but I decided to watch another episode of this last week, and you know what? It's a good show. Who'da thunk a spin-off of a B-movie with the kid from BREAKFAST CLUB would actually work?
PARCO, P.I. -- 10 PM, CourtTV
Debut: A show about a whole family of private investigators, huh? Like that's a new idea. I think Frank and Joe Hardy, and their father, too, would have something to say about that.
All show times Pacific Standard Time and all opinions hope there's something worthwhile on TV next week. Slow week, everyone, sorry about that.
Chris Ryall
E-MAIL THE AUTHOR |
ARCHIVES
