By Chris Ryall
Back to normal this week, whatever "normal" is.
Monday, October 17
BULLY -- 8 PM, IFC
This is still one of the more disturbing movies I've ever seen. Not so much for the brutal murder or out-of-control kids, but the fact that pedophile-in-training Larry Clark was able to shove cameras into young girls' crotches and call it filmmaking.
LAST BEST CHANCE -- 8 PM, HBO
Enjoy your chance to play president in this terrorism-themed movie, Senator Fred Thompson, because that's the closest you'll ever get. I think. I hope.
PRISON BREAK -- 9 PM, Fox
While my interest in this show has waned a bit--it's now the sort of thing that if I remember it's on and am free, fine, but I'm not hammering the TiVo to catch it--I am happy to see it picked up for a full season. Good to see interesting shows rewarded for trying something new.
A LOVER'S REVENGE -- 9 PM, Lifetime
Remember a ways back, when you would've loved to see a movie that was "90210 meets BAYWATCH"? Yeah, well, times have changed, and I venture to say that no one has much interest in seeing Gabrielle Carteris and Alexandra Paul pair up on this movie.
ANTHONY BOURDAIN: NO RESERVATIONS -- 10 PM, Travel
Hey, Tony, instead of busting into restaurants in Vegas, why don't you go bust the heads of the people who've taken your good book, KITCHEN CONFIDENTIAL, and turned it into such a lame sitcom?
MISS SEVENTEEN -- 10:30 PM, MTV
Series Premiere: 17 nubile young women get packed into an apartment to vie for a scholarship and an internship at Seventeen magazine. Putting up with 16 other 17-year-olds for a chance to... work for free? Wow, what a... great... prize.
THE COLBERT REPORT -- 11:30 PM, Comedy Central
Debut: I'm happy to see Colbert get this spin-off show and all, but I hope it doesn't mean we lose This Week in God on THE DAILY SHOW. Not to mention that it's not the greatest news for Adam Carolla.
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Dolly Parton
The Late Show with David Letterman: Anderson Cooper, Al Green
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Benjamin Bratt, Robert Downey Jr., Ryan Cabrera
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: Roseanne, Rev. Run
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Tony Shaloub, Greg Giraldo
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: TBD
Last Call with Carson Daly: TBD
Tuesday, October 18
THE OFFICE -- 9:30 PM, NBC
This show is this season's ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT for me, a great show worthy of mention every week. Then again, ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT is still that for me, too.
SEX, LOVE & SECRETS -- 10 PM, UPN
Enjoy your last looks at fictionalized Silverlake, CA, in this show. Denise, I'd suggest a quick reconciliation with Charlie before you're put out on the street.
CLOSE TO HOME -- 10 PM, CBS
This show is so much more than a legal procedural! Just ask the producers. You know what this really means? It means it's just another legal procedural.
BOSTON LEGAL -- 10 PM, ABC
Denny Crane. Denny Crane. Denny Crane. Denny Crane. Denny Crane. Denny Crane. Denny Crane. Denny Crane. Denny Crane.
NIP/TUCK -- 10 PM, FX
I like that the leads on the show are against the whole "Carver" plotline and feel like they're forced to do a sensationalist plotline that gets people watching in greater numbers. Yep, because the former plotlines weren't trying to be shocking at all.
THE ADAM CAROLLA PROJECT -- 10 PM, TLC
Before you complain that Adam Carolla, here doing his "Mr. Bircham" thing, is suddenly everywhere, keep in mind two thoughts: one, that's not a bad thing, and two, this show's only on TLC, after all.
CRASH TEST DUMMIES -- 10 PM, A&E
Debut: You know how you like to watch demolition derby and cars crashing into each other? This show allows you to do that every week and still feel intelligent since it's on A&E.
REALITY SHOW -- 10:30 PM, MTV
I'm sure the reality-show wannabees--and is there anything more sad than that?--are suitably annoying on this show, but Andy Dick makes it worth a look anyway.
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Bill O'Reilly
The Late Show with David Letterman: Catherine Zeta-Jones
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Kurt Russell, Rev. Run, Gavin Rossdale/Institute
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: Jeff Daniels, Constance Marie
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: John Leguizamo
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Melina Kanakaredes, Steve Robinson
Last Call with Carson Daly: TBD
Wednesday, October 19
E-RING -- 8 PM, NBC
I know NBC is desperate to find a spot to shove this lame show and make it work, but I can tell you that 8 PM on Wednesday, leading into the sinking ship that is Martha, really ain't it.
FREDDIE -- 8:30 PM, ABC
No, this is not a spin-off based on Tom Green's awful movie, but you might wish it were--it's not what you'd call "good," and not just because Freddie Prinze Jr. is here to stiffen things up.
RELATED -- 9 PM, WB
It's a relationship show from one of the creators of FRIENDS, albeit a bit more girly than that one. There've been extensive reshoots and new castings since the pilot, but Jennifer Esposito is cute, anyway. Which is about all the show has going for it if you're a guy.
LOST -- 9 PM, ABC
More and more, I'm starting to feel that no matter what the answers to this show are, if they ever arrive, that they won't live up to what we've all built up in our minds. So I say, screw giving us answers and just keep on adding layers to the mystery--it's more interesting.
CSI: NY -- 10 PM, Wednesday
A new castmember joins the show this week, and an older one leaves. Add this to the list of changes the producers keep making, all of which still haven't convinced me that the show should stay on the air. It just ain't working, guys. No offense, Lieutenant Dan.
2005 BLACK MOVIE AWARDS -- 10 PM, TNT
Sure, the White Movie Awards, otherwise known as the Oscars, the People's Choice Awards and the Razzies, get aired in Prime Time, but the Black Movie Awards get held until 10 PM? Interesting.
SOUTH PARK -- 10 PM, Comedy
Season Premiere: Sorry, censors and religious freaks, but this show's back again, and will continue to be for at least the next three seasons.
WHAT YOU GET FOR THE MONEY -- 10:30 PM, HGTV
Season Premiere: Oh, like I'm not depressed enough, knowing that $600K gets me a small one-bedroom condo in San Diego or a 17-room mansion and private lake in Arkansas, now I have to see this every week. Well, I don't have to...
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Louis Freeh
The Late Show with David Letterman: The Rock, Kit Armstrong
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Dakota Fanning, Charles Barkley, Herbie Hancock with Christina Aguilera
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: Tony Hawk, Institute
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: TBD
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Ray J
Last Call with Carson Daly: TBD
Thursday, October 20
SURVIVOR: GUATEMALA -- 8 PM, CBS
This week, both tribes have to vote someone off, no matter what happens in the challenge. Which means nothing to me since I voted the show off long ago. Like, right when it started.
SMALLVILLE -- 8 PM, WB
First Aquaman shows up on the show, and now Brainiac? Now you're talking! Although... I'm fine with James Marsters showing up here, but come on, go all the way with it and shave his dome and paint him green, like the Brainiac of olde.
ALIAS -- 8 PM, ABC
One week after they wax Vaughn, producers are already saying he'll be back? Why not just come out and say "we've lost all interest in this show, just like you have, so we don't really care much what we do any longer"?
EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS -- 8 PM, UPN
On the contrary, a look at the ratings shows that "Everybody actually Hates JOEY" instead.
RUN'S HOUSE -- 10:30 PM, MTV
Whose house? RUN'S HOUSE. Whose house? RUN'S HOUSE. Whose hou... oh, you get it.
SHOWBIZ SHOW -- 10:30 PM, Comedy
Look, kids, a falling star!
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: The Rock
The Late Show with David Letterman: Melissa Ethridge
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: George Carlin, Ed McMahon, Weezer
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: TBD
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Gabrielle Union, Val Kilmer
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Stockard Channing
Last Call with Carson Daly: TBD
Friday, October 21
KILLER INSTINCT -- 9 PM, Fox
Seriously, the last thing anyone needed was yet another police procedural. Are there still crimes or murders that haven't been solved by all these shows yet?
HOT PROPERTIES -- 9:30 PM, ABC
Hang in there, Sofia Vergara, eventually American film and TV people will realize how to properly utilize your talents. This ain't it.
I SHOULDN'T BE ALIVE -- 9 PM, Discovery
And with a bad title like that, unless you're really entertaining, you probably won't be for long.
THE ROBINSONS -- 9:40 PM, BBC America
Somehow, Martin Freeman, who's bland, dull, and colorless, is actually pretty interesting and entertaining to watch when playing guys who are bland, dull, and colorless. Like on this show, or THE OFFICE. Or HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE. Or...
INCONCEIVABLE -- 10 PM, NBC
There's a "stillborn" joke in here somewhere, since the show's already been cancelled, but someone "stillborn" and "joke" never quite seem palatable when paired up
MADONNA: SECRET -- 10 PM, MTV
Wow, a documentary look at MADONNA's 2004 tour? Just in... time. And sure to satisfy a hungry public that's wanted a sequel to TRUTH OR DARE. I dare you to believe that statement I just made is the truth... 'cuz it ain't.
MAN VS. VEGAS -- 10 PM, CMT
Debut: Another gambling show, eh? Once again, I fold.
The Late Show with David Letterman: Al Franken, Dennis Regan
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Antonio Banderas, Ashlee Simpson
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: Chris Elliott
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Mira Sorvino, The Rock
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: TBD
Last Call with Carson Daly: TBD
Saturday, October 22
FLIGHT 29 DOWN -- 12 PM, NBC
This show is described as a kid's version of LOST, which is all fine, but just wait until next month's Sweeps arc about junior cannibalism and island sex. I don't know if the world's ready for a kid's version of ALIVE meets THE BLUE LAGOON. If my sources are correct, that is...
WORLD SERIES -- 7:30 PM, Fox
Whoever's playing here, and I'm thinking it's gonna be all red and white on both sides, no one wins when they have to listen to Tim McCarver talk.
AIR FORCE ONE -- 8 PM, ABC
What happened to the guy who growled "Get. Off. My. Plane!"? Becuase that Harrison Ford hasn't been seen for years now.
SCARIEST PLACES ON EARTH -- 8 PM, ABC Family
Linda Blair sticks some family into Castle Dracula. But really, since they removed all the pikes with the heads on them, the place isn't really all that creepy.
COLLEGE FOOTBALL -- 8 PM, i
"i" is the former PAX, which makes it even odder that they're airing the Marshall/UTEP football game here tonight.
MY FIRST PLACE -- 8 PM, HGTV
Debut: A show about first-time homeowners... which means it's not set in Southern California. Or San Franciso. Or New York...
TUCKERVILLE -- 10 PM, TLC
Debut: I wouldn't watch a show set in DOLLYWOOD, so I'm not sure why TLC thinks anyone would watch Tanya Tucker's show about her juggling country music, life on the road, and raising her kids. Sounds like a bad country music song.
MAD TV -- 11 PM, Fox
Season Premiere: This show's already been around for 11 years, although with all the repeats on Comedy Central, it feels like it's been around for more than two decades.
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE -- 11:30 PM, NBC
Host: Catherine Zeta-Jones; Musical guest: Franz Ferdinand
Sunday, October 23
PRISON BREAK -- 12 PM, FX
If you've held off on watching this show and feel, er, "lost," here's a TV version of TiVo's Season Pass so far--the first six episodes, all back to back. At least watch the first one, for the tattoo scene.
FRIDAY THE 13TH -- 8 PM, AMC
Gotta love the Halloween programming... get ready to take that knife in the throat once again, Kevin Bacon. Oh, and whatever you campers do, don't trust the old lady in the big sweater.
24 -- 8 PM, WGN
Wanna see Jack Bauer remove a guy's head with a hacksaw all over again? WGN is airing back-to-back episodes of the first season now, for those of you who're dying to relive the magic of the bear trap/amnesia plot twist.
ENOUGH -- 9 PM, CBS
There's only one way to purge myself of this movie and that's by admitting that yes, I once watched the first five minutes of this SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY rip-off and got totally sucked in and watched the entire thing. Hating myself all the while.
DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES -- 9 PM, ABC
This week, you get to see that the dude who's locked in the basement is actually Page Kennedy. Who really needs to find himself a new agent, unless they get him out of that dank, urine-stained hellhole soon.
CROSSING JORDAN -- 10 PM, NBC
Leslie Bobb from POPULAR shows up here tonight, but I doubt anyone from POPULAR is watching this anyway, so it doesn't much matter where she came from.
GREY'S ANATOMY -- 10 PM, ABC
Now we finally know why doctors always take so long to show up when we have appointments--they're all having lots and lots of sex with each other.
All show times Pacific Standard Time and all opinions know who the "Carver" really is.
Chris Ryall
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