By Chris Ryall
Monday, December 26
MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL -- 6 PM, ABC
Well, all of you without basic cable, say goodbye to MNF after tonight. And Jets fans, say goodbye to your season after tonight.
ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT -- 8 PM, Fox
Sure, these two back-to-back episodes are repeats, but they're both good'uns, and Christmas-themed, to boot.
THE ANTICHRIST -- 8 PM, History Channel
You know, some people would argue that the Antichrist is actually hosting a New Year's special on NBC this week. Well, by "some people," I mean me.
ADAM SANDLER'S EIGHT CRAZY NIGHTS -- 8 PM, ABC Family
More like Adam Sandler's one crappy movie. Well, one of many crappy movies, actually.
HOUSE -- 9 PM, Fox
You know how the guy on PRISON BREAK showed up on THE GHOST WHISPERER before his show hit? Now it's his brother's turn, showing up here before he got his death sentence.
WANTED -- 9 PM, TNT
Season Finale: Don't worry, you can't keep a good Gary Cole down. He's gonna go ahead and be back soon, mmmkay? Riiiiight.
The Late Show with David Letterman: TBD
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Pamela Anderson, Bizarre Christmas Musicians, the Brian Setzer Orchestra (R)
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: TBD
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Jeff Goldblum, Marc Maron, the North Mississippi All-Stars (R)
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: TBD
Last Call with Carson Daly: Adam Carolla, Amos Lee. House band, Max & The Attack
Tuesday, December 27
QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY -- 2 PM, Bravo
You know how I know you're gay? Or just in need of a new wardrobe? Because you're planning to watch all 12 hours of this show today.
KENNEDY CENTER HONORS -- 9 PM, CBS
Tony Bennett and Tina Turner, among others, are honored here tonight. I think they should do a jam session at the end, like the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame show, but I doubt that'll happen.
BOSTON LEGAL -- 9 PM, ABC
This show doesn't get much attention lately, but beyond Spader and Shatner (Denny Crane!), you also get Locklear and, soon, Selleck and Mike J. Fox, too. It's like the legal LOVE BOAT.
THE CLOSER -- 10 PM, TNT
Before the new season starts, here's your chance to catch Kyra Sedgwick's acclaimed new show from the very start. Which is actually an almost professional-sounding mention for once, isn't it?
The Late Show with David Letterman: TBD
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: George Clooney, Steve Schirripa, Trey Anastasio (R)
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: TBD
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Benjamin McKenzie, David Feldman, Jarod Miller (R)
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: TBD
Last Call with Carson Daly: George Lopez, Natasha Bedingfield
Wednesday, December 28
ALAMO BOWL -- 5 PM, ESPN
Michigan and Nebraska fans invade San Antonio for this game. Um, that's all I got.
VERONICA MARS -- 9 PM, UPN
Yeah, it's a repeat, but in this episode, Veronica gets all sexed-up, so I figured I'd do my civic duty and mention that fact to the show's red-blooded fans.
FUNNIEST COMMERCIALS OF THE YEAR -- 9 PM, TBS
A few years ago, I would've said that Kevin Nealon hosting this lame show was appropriate, but I actually think the guy's got some talent and deserves to be more than just the next Dick-and-Ed.
SOUTH PARK NEW SEASON REWIND -- 9:30 PM, Comedy
Catch seven straight episodes of the show from this season; hopefully the Scientology ep is among them.
SIT DOWN COMEDY WITH DAVID STEINBERG -- 10 PM, TV Land
This episode, featuring Bob Newhart being interviewed, is sure to be entertaining, but you might need to turn the volume up a bit.
The Late Show with David Letterman: TBD
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Steve Martin, Tyler James
Williams, Chris Brown
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: TBD
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Billy Bob Thornton, Patton Oswalt, the Hold Steady (R)
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: TBD
Last Call with Carson Daly: Jon Favreau, Juliette & The Licks
Thursday, December 29
EMERALD BOWL -- 1:30 PM, ESPN
Utah takes on Georgia Tech in a really foofy-sounding bowl game. What, the "Amethyst Bowl" didn't work for them?
HOLIDAY BOWL -- 5 PM, ESPN
Oregon and Oklahoma are here in San Diego for their bowl game, so it'll be nice to see some fans in jerseys that aren't those damned Chargers shirts. Why do home-town fans always make you want to hate the home-town team?
FRIENDS -- 8 PM, TBS
Presenting an episode from back in the day before I felt like every single one of these shows, in its final three or so seasons, deserved to be mocked. This one, from '96, is where Ross first messes up the Rachel 'do, if you know what I mean. He nails her, in case you don't.
The Late Show with David Letterman: TBD
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Sarah Jessica Parker, Isaac Mizrahi, Bo Bice
The Jimmy Kimmel Show:
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Connie Nielsen, Steve Carell (R)
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: TBD
Last Call with Carson Daly: Jerry O'Connell, Liz Phair
Friday, December 30
THE SUN BOWL -- 2 PM, ESPN
There are other bowl games today, too, and I'm too lazy to list them all separately, but you can also find the Music City Bowl (12 PM), the Independence Bowl (3:30 PM) and the Peach Bowl (7:30 PM), too.
DEGRASSI: THE NEXT GENERATION -- 6 PM, The N
Catch more than your share od DEGRASSI all weekend long, with twelve hours each day. Up first, the first 13 episodes of the '05 season.
MY SUPER SWEET 16 -- 6 PM, MTV
Three straight hours of 16-year-olds? I couldn't even take that when I was 16 myself...
POPEYE'S VOYAGE: THE QUEST FOR PAPPY -- 8:30 PM, Fox
Yeah, the CGI is lame and the story is pretty inane, but still, it's Popeye, so I have residual fondness for this just because of good memories of the old b&w cartoons.
HOT PROPERTIES -- 9:30 PM, ABC
Series Finale: Ahh, Sofia Vergara, hopefully now you can go on to better things. Although if times get tough, I'm sure Maxim mag could help you pay a few bills.
MOVIES THAT SHOOK THE WORLD -- 10 PM, AMC
I don't know that PINK FLAMINGOS shook the world, really, but some scenes certainly shook my lunch, anyway.
The Late Show with David Letterman: TBD
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Ron Howard, chef Rachel Ray, Brian Wilson
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: TBD
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Matthew McConaughey, Jesse Eisenberg, Greg Behrendt (R)
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: TBD
Last Call with Carson Daly: Jeff Garlin, Fred
Willard, Jessica Kirson, Fall Out Boy
Saturday, December 31
THE TWILIGHT ZONE MARATHON -- 9 AM, Sci Fi
Two full days of this show always make me feel just a little bit better about the coming new year. As long as these shows are being aired, this place can't be all that bad, right?
MONTY PYTHON'S NEW YEAR'S BINGE -- 1 PM, BBC America
A full day of classic old PYTHON episodes, if that's your kind of thing. Never hurts to laugh the year away.
NFL FOOTBALL -- 1:30 PM, CBS
The Chargers are still trying their best to get into the playoffs (at "press time," anyway), so they better beat Denver today to give themselves the best chance for that.
TV GUIDE/TV LAND'S 100 MOST UNEXPECTED TV MOMENTS MARATHON -- 7 PM, TV Land
I knew this would be on.
DICK CLARK'S PRIME TIME NEW YEAR'S ROCKIN' EVE -- 10 PM, ABC
Ryan Seacrest and the Pussycat Dolls. Drink up, everyone.
MTV'S NEW YEAR OF MUSIC -- 10:30 PM, MTV
If you know who these hosts are (Quddus, Vanessa Minnillo, La La, Suzie Castillo), you're probably younger than me... you can also see Kanye West, Shakira, Fall Out Boy, and others.
NEW YEAR'S EVE LIVE -- 11 PM, Fox
So on ABC, you get Dick Clark, and here, you get the Reege. Do all these New Year's specials have to feature Father Time himself? Actually, he'd look a bit young next to these hosts.
NEW YEAR'S EVE WITH CARSON DALY -- 11:30 PM, NBC
Hey, everyone, ring out 2005 with a complete tool. No, not those other, older tools, I'm talking about Carson Daly, a guy who's only real accomplishment was inspiring the opening of MY NAME IS EARL.
DICK CLARK'S NEW YEARS'S ROCKIN' EVE 2006 -- 11:35 PM, ABC
So no one has really seen Dick Clark since the stroke a year ago. Do you really think Mariah Carey performing live in Times Square, plus Ryan Seacrest and Hilary Duff, is worth making a return to television?
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE -- 11:30 PM*, NBC
Host: Jon Heder; Musical guest: Ashlee Simpson (R)
*Time TBD--some time after midnight
Sunday, January 1, 2006
Happy New Year!
U.S. OLYMPIC HALL OF FAME -- 2:30 PM, NBC
I'm pretty sure that any sports-lover in your household isn't going to be going out of his or her way to change football to watch this today.
MONK -- 6 AM, USA
While I personally prefer the TWILIGHT ZONE marathon on Sci Fi, I also personally won't be up at 6 AM. So if you are, and you want a marathon of this show, well, the new year has room for everyone.
SURRENDER DOROTHY -- 9 PM, CBS
First Alexa Davalos gets her show, REUNION, cancelled with no resolution, and now shw has to take a dirt nap so her mom, Diane Keaton, can over-emote? Lucky her.
CELEBRITY FIT CLUB -- 9 PM, VH-1
Season Premiere: If you're looking to delay your own resolution to get in shape this new year, then have a seat and catch other, much more annoying, people do the same while the cameras roll.
IN JUSTICE -- 10 PM, ABC
Debut: Kyle MacLachlan brings hid big, square head back to prime-time television, this time to help be lawyer to the downtrodden. I expect this show to soon be similarly downtrodden.
THE FLAVOR OF LOVE -- 10 PM, VH-1
Debut: Talk about the Flava of the month. Does anyone still care to sit around and watch this guy, especially now that he's sans the big, crazy former Red Sonja?
All show times Pacific Standard Time and all opinions resolve to be no less inane in 2006.
Chris Ryall
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