By Chris Ryall
Monday, January 2, 2006
TOURNAMENT OF ROSES PARADE -- 8 PM, ABC, NBC, etc.
No, you didn't drink so much on New Year's Eve that you forgot what day it was; the parade actually is on a day later.
COLLEGE FOOTBALL SCHEDULE:
OUTBACK BOWL -- 8 AM, ESPN
COTTON BOWL -- 8 AM, Fox
GATOR BOWL -- 9:30 AM, NBC
CAPITAL ONE BOWL -- 10 PM, ABC
FIESTA BOWL -- 1:30 PM, ABC
SUGAR BOWL -- 5:30 PM, ABC
NYPD BLUE -- 9 AM, TNT
If you wake up and have a hankerin' for a hunk of death, then here's this repeat of the episode where Jimmy Smits was put out to pasture.
MY OWN -- 6 PM, MTV
Debut: Oh, perfect, a new reality show that encourages the loony out there to go find a partner who looks just like their dream celebrity. You should have it easy, all you Ruben Stoddard-lovers.
ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT -- 8 PM, Fox
Tonight's episode is the one where the show offers up a barely veiled "eff you" to Fox for cutting them short. Too bad Fox looks like they're going to get the last laugh.
WILDFIRE -- 8 PM, ABC Family
Season Premiere: The second season of this not-so-family-oriented (that's a good thing) show starts up where the previous one left off. Presumably, that means with a lot more jacuzzi scenes.
CELEBRITY BAD HABITS -- 9 PM, VH-1
Always nice to start the year off with a televised version of US Weekly. Time to break some Regular People Bad Habits and skip this show, folks.
ROLLERGURLS -- 10 PM, A&E
Debut: A&E might've abandoned the "Arts" part of their programming, but a show about hot, tough female rollerderby dames still earns the "Entertainment" part.
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Ken Auletta (R)
The Late Show with David Letterman: Heather Graham
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Jerry Seinfeld, Shelley Berman, Carrie Underwood
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: TBD
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Eric McCormack, Morgan Spurlock, Jason Mraz (R)
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Dr. Drew Pinsky, Bob Spitz, Trey Anastasio
Last Call with Carson Daly: Dr. Drew Pinsky,
Fort Minor. House band, Joe Firstman
Tuesday, January 3
ORANGE BOWL -- 5 PM, ABC
Florida State and Penn State face off, but I think what we'd all rather see is a rasslin' match between their coaches, who are 76 and 79, respectively. It'd be a much shorter competition, anyway.
ABC WORLD NEWS TONIGHT -- 6:30 PM, ABC
Elizabeth Vargas and Bob Woodruff begin their co-anchor job here tonight. Just in time, too--now that no one at all cares about ABC World News Tonight, I mean. I'll look for highlights on CNN. Or maybe THE SOUP.
NOVA -- 8 PM, PBS
Season Premiere: This show begins its 33rd season tonight with a look at a mummy found near Niagara Falls. Could it be a producer from the first season of this show?
SCRUBS -- 9 PM, NBC
Season Premiere: Just because EARL and THE OFFICE have moved to Thursday is no reason to abandon NBC on Tuesdays. Not with this superior show finally back on the air.
RELATIONSHIP REHAB -- 9 PM, Style
Debut: Don't know how to get over your ex? You could either watch this show, or else maybe try getting a life of your own.
MEET THE BARKERS II -- 10:30 PM, MTV
Return: Not that I care about blink 182 breaking up, but was putting the band on "indefinite hiatus" so you could become the next "OSBOURNES" really such a good idea?
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Tom Brokaw (R)
The Late Show with David Letterman: TBD
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Phillip Seymour Hoffman, USA skeleton Noelle Pikus-Pace, John Mayer Trio
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: Kenny Mayne
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Quentin Tarantino
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Connie Schultz, Wolf Parade
Last Call with Carson Daly: Dermot Mulroney, Brittany
Snow, Louis XIV
Wednesday, January 4
THE ROSE BOWL -- 8 PM, ABC
College football for 2005 all comes down to this game, and the bowl coalition is still crowing about finally getting things right this year. Never mind the many years of screwing up, at least this game lined up the top two teams. Now let's hope Texas at least makes a game of it.
WALKING THE BIBLE -- 8 PM, PBS
Nice title and all, and a lofty idea, going on a walking tour of the places mentioned in the Bible. But since they can't even start with the Garden of Eden, I'm not sure how valid this special is.
THE BIGGEST LOSER: SPECIAL EDITION -- 9 PM, NBC
I'm still trying to figure out why Caroline Rhea is hosting this show. What's the TV host version of the old expression "physician, heal thyself"?
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: TBD
The Late Show with David Letterman: Pierce Brosnan, Marv Albert
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Terrence Howard, Jace Everett
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: TBD
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Seth Green
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Rob Morrow
Last Call with Carson Daly: John Krasinski, North Mississippi Allstars
Thursday, January 5
DANCING WITH THE STARS -- 8 PM, ABC
Season Premiere: I can't figure out which word in the title makes less sense in reference to this show... "dancing" or "stars." Neither one has anything to do with the people or actions you'll watch here tonight.
JACK OSBOURNE: ADRENALINE JUNKIE -- 8 PM, Travel
I'd just like to congratulate Jack for being the first Osbourne ever to have a word preceed the title "junkie." Kelly, you might want to watch this.
HAYAO MIYAZAKI FILM FESTIVAL -- 8 PM, TCM
I'd recommend you set your DVRs for this tonight, so you can take in the grandeur of Miyazaki's SPIRITED AWAY and PRINCESS MONONOKE, but still catch EARL and THE OFFICE on NBC, too.
FOUR KINGS -- 8:30 PM, NBC
Debut: Will this new Seth Green-starrer suffer from its post-WILL & GRACE slot or benefit from being the lead-in to EARL and THE OFFICE? Based on an early look, that point might be moot before too long...
CSI -- 9 PM, CBS
The Vegas CSIs take on a case where it looks like a werewolf was killed with a silver bullet. Which was just done in a CSI NY comic book put out by IDW, if I do say so myself...
MY NAME IS EARL -- 9 PM, NBC
EARL takes on his new role as the king of Thursday nights... a title he shares with THE OFFICE's Michael Scott, anyway. After all the years of hearing about how NBC over-compensated Kelsey Grammer, how about awarding Lee and Carell with a couple Dodge Vipers too, NBC?
THE OFFICE -- 9:30 PM, NBC
Couldn't help but notice that JOEY doesn't seem to exist in NBC's new rejiggered Thursday night line-up. Programmers willing, neither will the tired WILL & GRACE before too long, either. EARL and THE OFFICE deserve better.
DALLAS SWAT -- 10 PM, A&E
Debut: It's like COPS, only here the mullets are visible through a long-range scope rather than up close.
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Pierce Brosnan
The Late Show with David Letterman: Felicity Huffman
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Matt Dillon, Flipsyde
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: (R)
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: TBD
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Don Rickles, Aimee Mann, Emily Mortimer
Last Call with Carson Daly: Jennifer Love Hewitt, Spoon (R)
Friday, January 6
STARGATE SG-1 -- 8 PM, Sci Fi
Season Premiere: Sci Fi's entire block of Friday night sci fi shows is back new as of tonight, so if you've got three hours to kill, settle in for this, STARGATE ATLANTIS and then BATTLESTAR.
THE BOOK OF DANIEL -- 9 PM, NBC
Debut: The guy from DESPERATELY SEEKING SUSAN plays a priest on this new show that might only have a chance on Friday nights, when shows about priests or other such wholesome (in the show, anyway) ventures seem to succeed. Despite the rabble-rousing Rev. Don Wildman's best efforts.
IN JUSTICE -- 9 PM, ABC
This new show starts its run in its official timeslot here tonight. Which means yes, there are police procedural shows on every single day of the year now.
COWBOY U -- 9 PM, CMT
Season Premiere: Cowboy YOU maybe, but not Cowboy ME.
BATTLESTAR GALACTICA -- 10 PM, Sci Fi
Season Premiere: If you've never checked out this show for whatever reason, and you got a shiny new iPod Video for Christmas, go download the pilot for free at iTunes and then check back here for the latest.
The Late Show with David Letterman: The Temptations, Dennis Regan
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Matt Dillon, ANT, Lil' Wayne
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: David Banner
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Nathan Lane
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Daryl Hannah, Iron and Wine with Calexico
Last Call with Carson Daly: Jeff Daniels, Amy Smart,
Jokoy, Damian Marley. House band, Max & The Attack (R)
Saturday, January 7
WEEKENDS WITH MAURY AND CONNIE -- 10 AM, MSNBC
If there's ever anything I didn't need, it's to see how these two spend their weekends together.
CAVED IN: PREHISTORIC TERROR -- 9 PM, Sci Fi
This cheesy Sci Fi movie starring the dude from THE BLUE LAGOON looks like a job for... Mansquito! I wish. And yes, I do plan to reuse jokes from last year, thank you.
MOVING IMAGES SALUTES RON HOWARD -- 9 PM, Bravo
So do moving actors, as Jim Carrey, Goldie Hawn and the star of his upcoming THE DA VINCI CODE, Tom Hanks, all toast the Man Who Was Opie.
TAXICAB CONFESSIONS -- 11 PM, HBO
Alright, New York, the bar for awkward, amusing and drunken confessions has been raised by past episodes set in Las Vegas, so you've got a high, or low, standard to live up, or down, to.*
*Awkward Sentence of the Week Award-Winner
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE -- 11:30 PM, NBC
Host: Eva Longoria; Musical guest: Korn (R)
Sunday, January 8
NFL PLAYOFFS -- 10 PM, Fox, 1 PM, CBS
At "press time," it's not totally set who'll be playing whom here, but pretty much everyone agrees that the Buffalo Bills will be watching these games from their couches.
DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES -- 9 PM, ABC
Gabrielle gets into a brawl with Lynette. Obviously Eva Longoria has a hard time separating herself from her character, although in real life, she brawls with policemen and not her neighbors. Where were the cameras when we really needed them?
FAMILY GUY -- 9 PM, Fox
Here's how lame this show is--they settled for a voicework cameo from Frank Sinatra Jr. Just not cool enough to get his dad, eh?
CAMPUS LADIES -- 10 PM, Oxygen
Debut: Older women go back to college. So it's like a less funny, female version of BACK TO SCHOOL? Only without the triple lindy. I think I'll drop this class.
THE L WORD -- 10 PM, Showtime
Season Premiere: For all of you who made a resolution to spend more time in 2006 watching lesbians on TV, this maybe isn't quite what you meant, but it's got more story behind it than what you had in mind.
All show times Pacific Standard Time and all opinions are college footbal's real national champions.
Chris Ryall
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