By Chris Ryall
Monday, January 30
INSTYLE CELEBRITY WEDDINGS -- 9 PM, ABC
When can we get the show we really want, the one about all the celebrity divorces? They far outnumber the weddings, and the emotions involved seem much more real than the celebrity weddings.
24 -- 9 PM, Fox
Hey, Jack Bauer, Seth McFarlane wants to know if you can pass those scissors his way...
FLIGHT 93 -- 9 PM, A&E
Now, I know this movie is out to honor the people who lost their lives on September 11, but I want to remember this day and see a fictional account of this flight a little bit less than I want to watch a FAMILY GUY marathon. Actually, no, much, much less than even that.
CONVICTION -- 9 PM, BBC America
Debut: Every time I mention a new show on BBCA, I seem to get some detail about it wrong (like last week's BAD GIRLS). But you should know I only do that because I enjoy mail from the U.K. In reality, I know all about these shows. Which is why I'm using up valuable space to fillibuster here without actually talking about this show itself. (hint: it's a police drama)
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Randy Jackson
The Late Show with David Letterman: TBD
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Dominic Monaghan, Dennis Rodman, P.O.D.
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: TBD
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Sacha Baron "Ali G" Cohen, Jim Gaffigan, Liev Schreiber (R)
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Emma Thompson
Last Call with Carson Daly: TBD
Tuesday, January 31
GILMORE GIRLS -- 8 PM, WB
Evidently they decided too many guys were watching this show and decided to bring in a teenage daughter for Luke to completely have them--and by "them," I mostly mean "me," lose interest in the season.
OSCAR NOMINATIONS -- 8 PM, TV Guide
Want to see more talk about BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN and George Clooney? Then this is the recap show for you.
STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS -- 9 PM, most every channel
And for some good counter-programming against all the entertaining TV programming of the night...
THE SHIELD -- 10 PM, FX
So the recipe for this show is, bring in an IA investigator, have him/her get close to nailing the dirty cops, and then off the IA investigator? It's worked so far, but come on.. might be time for Mackay and this show to take a fall.
LAS VEGAS LAW -- 10 PM, Court TV
Debut: Now there's an oxymoron if I've ever heard one.
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Charles Barkley
The Late Show with David Letterman: TBD
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Harrison Ford, Bryce Dallas Howard
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: In Detroit: Kid Rock
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Broken Social Scene
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Piper Perabo
Last Call with Carson Daly: TBD
Wednesday, February 1
AMERICAN IDOL -- 8 PM, Fox
They're still doing the audition phase? Then again, since the singing itself is so annoying, maybe they should just do a whole season of the trainwreckers. Well, either way, I ain't watching.
FREDDIE -- 8:30 PM, ABC
How is it that Sarah Michelle Gellar hasn't filed for divorce yet? Oh, she's never actually seen one of these episodes. Good call, Freddie.
VERONICA MARS -- 9 PM, UPN
So, how's everyone feel about this show airing on the same channel as SMALLVILLE, EVE, ONE TREE HILL and EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS? As indifferent as I am? Happy to know it'll still be airing next season, though, wherever it might be.
KATH & KIM -- 9 PM, Sundance
Season Finale: Kylie Minogue does a cameo here, for those of you who dig these AB FAB-types of shows. Or for those who dig Aussie singers who flaunt their posterior more than J-Lo.
EPITAFIOS -- 9 PM, HBO Signature
I'm pretty that of the 25 different HBOs that I get, this channel isn't one of them. Which is nice, the fact that they bury this interesting-sounding serial killer thriller on a sub-channel instead of airing it on the main HBO channel. Yeah, because the programming on there between now and when THE SOPRANOS starts back up is so stellar. Why is programming these channels so easy to Monday morning quarterback for the rest of us and so hard for the people who get paid to do it?
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT -- 10 PM, TV Land
Is it bad that when I think about watching shows that celebrate Black History Month, I don't immediately consider this Wayne Brady-hosted show as the first option?
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Michael Beschloss
The Late Show with David Letterman: TBD
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Snoop Dogg, Ron White
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: TBD
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: TBD
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: TBD
Last Call with Carson Daly: TBD
Thursday, February 2
SURVIVOR: PANAMA -- 8 PM, CBS
Season Premiere: This time, there's some kind of exile island that people get sent to. Which sounds much more preferable to sitting through yet another season of this (not that I ever have, I'm just saying).
SMALLVILLE -- 8 PM, WB
Yeah, Chloe as a bit too obvious, wasn't she? Still, I think this show's going to be a bit worse off after last week. Unless they bring in Beppo, of course.
WILL & GRACE -- 9 PM, NBC
Well, Taye Diggs tried it as a womanizing ladies man last season on his UPN show, and that didn't pan out. So tonight, he's going to see how the other half lives.
E.R. -- 9 PM, NBC
Guest-star James Woods never misses a chance to talk about how he's also in Mensa (we share the good endowment too, it seems, from what the rumors say), but he wasn't smart enough to avoid showing up on this sinking ship.
LADETTE TO LADY -- 9 PM, Sundance
Debut: Can this new makeover show also get a title makevoer? Because whether this is a Brit show or not, it's a pretty lame name.
NICK CANNON'S WILD & OUT -- 10 PM, MTV
Season Premiere: I don't how wild I am when it comes to this show, but I'm definitely out.
THE SHOP -- 10:30 PM, MTV
Season Premiere: Hey, a hip-hop show set at a barbershop. That's a pretty novel idea. What next, a show about Texas Hold 'Em? Or a home makeover show?
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Robert O'Harrow Jr.
The Late Show with David Letterman: Tommy Lee Jones
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Roseanne Barr, Sergio,Will.I.Am
The Jimmy Kimmel Show:
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Bette Midler
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Jean Reno
Last Call with Carson Daly: TBD
Friday, February 3
THE BERNIE MAC SHOW -- 8 PM, Fox
Have there ever been this many shows all hitting the magic (syndication $$$!) 100-episode mark as this season? Here's yet another one.
BIOGRAPHY -- 8 PM, A&E
Nice timing on one hand, since Steve Martin will be adding to his most-ever record of hosting SNL this week. Not as good timing if they mention his stinker of a PINK PANTHER movie that's coming soon.
TRICK MY TRUCK -- 8 PM, CMT
Debut: Some 18-wheelers get a makeover in this new show. Give me one and I'd paint it red with a white stripe, and get me a little chimp named "Bear" and hit the road, looking for twin sisters. Sadly, anyone born after about 1975 won't get that reference...
COWBOY U: OKLAHOMA -- 9 PM, CMT
Season Finale: Cowboy me? Well Cowboy U, too, pal!
BLACK BOOKS -- 11 PM, BBC America
Season Premiere: Hey, a British show I can talk about with some degree of confidence. So you can believe me when I tell you this one's a pretty funny sitcom set in a bookstore. Pam Anderson's show could learn a few things. Actually, if that show learned even one joke, it'd be doing better.
The Late Show with David Letterman: P. Puff Diddy Daddy, Train
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Collective Soul
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: Jessica Alba
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Sarah Vowell
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: TBD
Last Call with Carson Daly: TBD
Saturday, February 4
UAPL -- 3 PM, WGN
What does "UAPL" stand for, you ask? You're going to regret asking... it stands for Ultimate Arena Paintball League. Yes, there are leagues, and arenas, that offer paintball tourneys now. Even more dismaying, there are evidently cable channels that deem them worth televising.
WULIN WARRIORS: LEGEND OF THE SEVEN SEAS -- 8 PM, Cartoon
Debut: Puppets that know karate? Well, what else do you need out of a Cartoon Network show?
40 THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THE SUPER BOWL -- 8 PM, ESPN
#40: If you're the Buffalo Bills, how to win one. #34: If you're Peyton Manning, how to get into one; #22: If you're Janet Jackson, how to dress for one. Should I go on?
FALLING IN LOVE WITH THE GIRL NEXT DOOR -- 9 PM, Hallmark
Patty Duke? Shelley Long? Patrick Duffy? Bruce Boxleitner? This isn't a movie about falling in love with anyone, it's the TV actor version of an elephant graveyard.
MAD TV -- 11 PM, Fox
You tell me a year ago that Jamie Pressley was going to show up here and I probably would've made a bad sub-Tara Reid-type joke. But now, fresh from EARL, I have to say I've nothing but praise for the lady.
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE -- 11:30 PM, NBC
Host: Steve Martin; Musical guest: Prince
Sunday, February 5
SUPER BOWL XL KICKOFF -- 6:25 AM, ABC
If you get up to watch all of this pre-game nonsense, a full 9 hours before the actual kickoff, you better drink enough today that you forget all about being such an obsessive sports nut.
SUPER BOWL XL -- 3:25 PM, ABC
Did you know John Madden is only 7 years older than halftime musical guest Mick Jagger? I don't know what this means, other than the fact that the two don't share the same diet or exercise program. These are the thoughts bound to go through your head by the time the sure-to-be-boring second half starts. This is sure to be the last Super Bowl for the pairing of Madden and Al Michaels, the Rolling Stones, and the Seattle Seahawks.
FAMILY GUY -- 8:30 PM, Fox
Taking advantage of all the drunks post-Super Bowl, Fox is airing three straight episodes of this show. I'd sooner watch a movie about Flight 9... wait, no, never mind.
STRONG MEDICINE -- 9 PM, Lifetime
Series Finale: The show that gave us Billy Ray Cyrus: The Actor finally signs off for good. So watch out, world, Billy Ray is on the loose!
MISSING -- 10 PM, Lifetime
Season Finale: A serial killer show on Lifetime makes about as much sense as a show not about Nazis on the History Channel. And yet, here it is anyway.
GREY'S ANATOMY -- 10:15 PM, ABC
Christina Ricci guest-stars here, which maybe doesn't quite appeal to the same post-game crowd as FAMILY GUY, but you know, something for everyone.
All show times Pacific Standard Time and all opinions celebrate Black History before and after February, too.
Chris Ryall
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