By Chris Ryall
June 24, 2003
It was a dark and stormy night in New York City. In a skyscraper adorned with the name Greystoke Industries, some laboratory technicians make some frantic movements as they prepare to inject needles into a man who's bound to a gurney. The man is shirtless, with long, blond hair. Some officials move to the floor above, to observe this procedure. As they look down into the lab, they see their technicians knocked unconscious, the straps on the gurney busted, the shirtless man gone.
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Gazing toward the lab's window, they catch a glimpse of the shirtless man bounding upward and out, his movements very chimp-like in their agility.
And so begins the WB's TARZAN AND JANE, their latest adventure show custom-built to capitalize on SMALLVILLE's success. Another costumeless action hero, ready to bring in the teenage audience. Only...Edgar Rice Burroughs's orignal TARZAN tales (not to mention the Bo Derek movie) were always set in the jungle. Not only is it too costly to shoot in a real jungle, but the idea of faking a jungle set means the show takes on a SHEENA-type appearance. No, something else would have to be done in this case. Besides, it's important to have the cute love interest, Jane, only...it's the 21st century. This woman would have to be independent and strong, yet also somehow still cutely feminine and just a tiny bit in need of an unrefined savage in her life.
The solution? Transport Lord Greystoke to New York City, of course, and make Jane a police officer. To further complicate things, give her a cop boyfriend, an important homicide detective stalking a serial killer.
After Tarzan escapes from the lab (following a daring rooftop fight/escape, 'natch, thus showing that wire work has made its way even to episodic TV), Jane is exploring a crime scene where a pack of wild dogs raided a store for food when she spots him crouching in a back alley with the dogs. Still shirtless and with a blonde, long-haired look that makes him look ready for the lead in LEGENDS OF THE FALL 2: TOTALLY LEGENDARY, he again bounds up a building to escape. Jane pursues, even going so far as to jump from building to building after him. She slips and almost falls, but luckily, our Tarzan grabs her and saves her. And he is, of course, instantly smitten. Too bad for him, then, that folks from Greystoke Industries (wearing a stylized "GI" on their uniform sleevs) descend from a helicopter and capture him again. Jane, right before she passes out, notices the "GI."
In her C.O.'s office later, after telling her story and getting mostly skeptical looks in return, she notices a photo on his desk, taken at Greystoke Industries. The familiar "GI" logo is in the background, so of course she and her partner are off to Greystoke to explore. There, they meet...Agent Skinner. The X-FILES's Mitch Pileggi shows up and once again, you're not quite sure of his motivations. But he wants his son...er...the ape-man brought back in so they can continue to study...er...help him. Jane, tough-yet-sensitive cop that she is, thinks this is, like, a totally good idea.
Jane is a bit of a junior cop, and she and her partner operate under the shadow of her more studly, more accomplished and more respected policeman boyfriend. So I think we can all see that a bit of the WB relationship angst is headed our way.
As her boyfriend tries to track down this serial killer, Jane seeks out Tarzan. In that "THREE'S COMPANY" time-honored tradition of misunderstandings, this loinclothed blonde dude jumping around like a chimp is mistaken for said killer. Well, of course. But dude, blonde hair flowing and lips pouting, isn't caught so easily. Not much for the talking, he nonetheless seeks out Jane (he has her scent, see) and tells her he didn't do it. He's pretty articulate for a guy raised by apes. I'm guessing Kalla had a Speak-n-Spell in the jungle. He plants a little smack on Jane and then is back out the window.
Should Jane stay with her domineering boyfriend or should she seek out the feral-yet-hot (and shirtless, ever shirtless) Tarzan? Will Tarzan ever utter the classic rally cry? (Sure, there are no elephants or apes to come a-running if he does, but it's as big a part of the Tarzan we all know as the loincloth, and if we have to deal with one, we could at least be given the other). Will Greystoke Industries turn out to be all evil or actually be trying to help Tarzan? Will Tarzan ever say more than a few pouty words, and even then,will he ever talk to anyone other than Jane? Will anyone care enough to watch this beyond the first episode to find out (anyone other than teenage girls, I mean)? Answers to these questions and many others can be found in subsequent...actually, if anyone finds out these answers, could you please let me know? I think one episode of this urban ape man was enough for me.
The WB's TARZAN AND JANE airs this Fall on Sundays at 9:00 PM.
Next Week: The WB's FEARLESS
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