April 16, 2004
Rock Star Quote of the Week:
"Oh yeah, I remember my first beer."
-- Tom Waits, to a waitress dropping a tray of drinks
# # #
I Am The One Who Is The Ball-Licker: a bumper Reader Mail special-in which Donnie Darko is Jesus, Reuben Ham is the devil, Robert Smith is God, and the Caps-Lock key is unveiled as a thing of mesmeric beauty.
# # #
On THE PASSION...
'Matt' writes: As for the five movies that touched you more than THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST, was a very interesting column, of course I not having seen the Passion movie am left a little out of it,
RH: Well, yeah.
'Matt': only thing that kind of threw me was putting a THIN RED LINE in there? Did anyone else actually (like me) watch the movie and not judge it by the "star power". Because hopefully if one did they saw what I saw a boring ass movie about a bunch of bitchie soldiers, by the end I didn't care if they all died it had no effect on me, I just wanted the movie to be over!
RH: Oh, man, I totally agree. And what about THE GODFATHER? All I could think was: 'Oh, that's Marlon Brando! I recognized someone! This movie is shit!'
'Matt': I guess it's all just opinion, but I definitely agree that DONNIE DARKO was very effective. Why were you so touched by it? I just find it rather weird because in your column you call the Christian faith a "myth" when the whole basis of Donnie Darko was divine intervention (watch the bonus material they talk all about it).
RH: Dude. DONNIE DARKO has absolutely nothing to do with Jesus.
'Matt': But as we all know everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and we know that opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one and some (like your "Christian Myth" opinion) are full of shit!!!
RH: At least, for a microsecond, you were forced to contemplate the possibility of not going to heaven when you die, and consequently frightened into the philosophically watertight retort: 'You're full of shit!' Have a beer, man. Enjoy yourself.
# # #
Michael Leyvas writes: tHE FACT THAT YOUR COMPARING jESUS TO THE STORY OF A DRUNK LOSER (NIC CAGE) IS INSANE,tHEN USING ALL OF THESE SONGS BY ARTIST WHO PROBLY NEVER READ ANY SCRIPTURE.tHIS IS THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH YOUR SELF BY KNOCING THE FILM. iF YOU FEEL GUILTY AFTER WATCHING THE PASSION,MAYBE YOU SHOULD EXSAMIN YOUR SELF, GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE,AND FESS UP. tRUST ME IT'S NOT EASY LOOKING INTO ONES SELF.
RH: Christianity: still number one with the intelligentsia.
# # #
'Liam' writes: I just read your article on films starring people who you just know are going to cark some time before those credits roll. Upon reflection... two films came to mind.
The first is THE MAN WHO WASN'T THERE
sure there were people who called it the worst of the Coens ( MILLERS CROSSING notwithstanding) but for the most part we all agreed this was one hell of a movie.
BRAZIL
this for me is THE Terry Gilliam opus, a masterwork he will never surpass.
RH: Haven't seen either. Both belong to that rather large group of films which I valiantly intend to rent and appreciate as art, but always seem to end up passing over for SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE II.
# # #
[Buckle up! It's... ATTACK OF THE INEPT FANBOY!]
'Charles' writes: pitt's mills calls Dante a 'faggot,' not Milton do you guys have copy editors?
RH: Um.. no. But maybe you should hire one to oversee your email.
[Chuck also proceeded to insolently inform me that my 'Hallelujah' quote should have been attributed to Leonard Cohen rather than Jeff Buckley. I pointed out that the particular lines I quoted were added by Jeff in his tribute to Cohen's original.]
But... he continues: I'll give you half credit, it is still a Leonard Cohen song but with added lyrics.
RH: Is it really? I had NO idea!
# # # # # #
On VELVETeen Angst...
Jorge Farah writes: First off, let me say I'm a fan of the VELVET, even if it does stray off into bizarrely un-music-related terrain from time to time.
RH: Guilty. Insert 'drunken boat' metaphor here.
Jorge: This week's column in particular struck a chord with me because, as with anybody who's ever been a pseudo-"emo" (a modern term I don't think I'm entirely comfortable using, but seems to fit the bill) teenager, the music I listened to played a pivotal role in my own self-indulgent, "woe-is-me", existence-pondering teenage dilemmas. There is one song in particular, though, that brings back rather painful (or painfully embarrassing) memories of yearning...
THE CURE- "Just Like Heaven". (Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me, 1987)
Now this song is pure pop bliss.
RH: OhmyfuckingGod it is. Three and a half of the finest minutes in the history of amplification.
Jorge: I was just a little kid when it first came out, but I stumbled upon in during my teens when a friend of mine accidentally left one of his mix-tapes in my back pocket. (... alright, so I stole it from him, but what else is a teenage punk-and-grunge fan to do when he's bored?).
RH: Grand theft audio! Rock!
Jorge: Much to my surprise, I found close to no punk OR grunge in the tape, but I did find this catchy, infectuous New Wave-ish song buried somewhere between A-HA and NEW ORDER (the latter which, as much as it pains for me to admit now, I hated back then... oh what a fool I was).
RH: Shh! Claim that you were such a huge JOY DIVISION fan that post-Ian material was too painful at first!
Jorge: But I did like this one song. Later I found out it was by a band called THE CURE, and I thought I recognized the name. Finally I remembered them from "Friday, I'm In Love", a song I always liked, so I decided to go out and buy this Kiss Me album.
RH: A wise choice, young padewan.
Jorge: After this, I payed real close attention to the lyrics for the first time.
Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream, she said,
the one that makes me laugh, she said,
and threw her arms around my neck,
Show me how you do it,
and I promise you,
I promise you I'll run away with you
... I'll run away with you..."
That did it for me. Those lyrics, descibing that particular brand of fairy-tale love, Robert Smith's blissful yet nostalgic vocal delivery, the slightly-cheesy 80's delay-laden guitar,
RH: The world needs more delay.
Jorge: the dreamy synth line... it was beautiful. And it was absolutely what I yearned for, since during that time I was very much in "love" (I should say, madly infatuated) with a close friend of mine. Unfortunately, her boyfriend was ALSO a close friend of mine,
RH: Kick his ass!!!
Jorge: so that relationship was pretty much "unattainable", as you put it.
RH: ...oh.
Jorge: The first two verses of the song describe exactly what I wanted it to be like, and it helped me close my eyes and fantasize about it... until...
"Daylight licked me into shape
I must've been asleep for a day
I moved my lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes...
and found myself alone, alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
and drowned her deep inside of me...
... you, soft and only...
... you, lost and lonely...
... you, just like heaven..."
The sudden realization that it WAS a fantasy, that it could never happen, that it was just so impossible and out-of-reach... I could completely relate to Smith's heartache and frustration.
RH: Still should've kicked his ass.
Jorge: And this heartbroken little song became pretty much my anthem during the tenure of my relationship with that girl. Soon I got over it, found another girl I fell truly in love with, and moved on. But this Cure song marked what was, for me, the first girl I ever fell "in love with", and my feelings during that time. Yes, I did bawl, a lot. Yes, it was pretty stupid. Yes, I was a wannabe bohemian. Yes, I scribbled lousy teenage poetry on my Chemistry notebooks. And as much as it hurts to admit it now...
Yes, I was once... emo.
RH: Without Chris Carrabba's help, even. Awesome. Incidentally, do you wanna look this guy up, and kick his ass retrospectively? I'm up for it. We'll wear eyeliner and carry cat-o'-nine-tail whips and curse in Latin. Come to think of it, we'll swing by Chris Carrabba's place on the way home...
# # #
Timothy Byrne writes: As an inhabitant of Melbourne of seemingly the same vintage, it seems appropriate that I regale you with some similiar stories regarding angsty songs of despair :
(1) Entire concert 1998 - Sarah McLachlan You thought your Sarah McLachlan story was scary. Try WINNING tickets to a showcase show for your long-term girlfriend, THEN her cheating on you on the night after you told her you had won them, and then being 2 centimeters away from a screaming mess / break-up....and then try sitting through a couple of hours of Sarah singing about love, loss and heartbreak (I Will Not Forget You, anyone? Black? Fear? Grrrr..
RH: You trumped me, man. You needed to have a post-show beer with Sarah at a stripclub, though, to trump Ryall's Valentine's Day MOTORHEAD story.
Timothy: (2) Black - Pearl Jam Ahh, to be 19 again, and to think after a break-up that you would never find 'true love' again. Solution : Make-up a compilation tape made up ENTIRELY of this song. Play every day when you drive to an from university, singing along till you cried. Repeat for a month.
RH: Never was a Pearl Jam fan. Maybe this would've helped?
Timothy: (3) Time and Time Again - Counting Crows - Seriously, August and Everything After was owned by EVERYBODY, and they all thought Adam Duritz had summed up their life perfectly, even though it got fairly unclease in a lot of places exactly what he was singing about. Tortured imagery such as "I want to see you walking away from me, without the sensation of your leaving me alone..."
RH: And yet I can only think of that spectacularly middle-of-the-road Joni Mitchell cover.
Timothy: (4) To Wish Impossible Things - The Cure - This nasty little baby was tucked away at Track 11 of Wish, without letting on that it was maybe the bleakest, most devoid of hope thing that the Cure had done in some time (alongside Apart and How Beautiful You Are). So naturally, everyone tried to write poetry based around these concepts. Gulp!
RH: God, this song is wonderful. You are utterly correct, sir. To make matters more clandestinely glamorous, I actually rediscovered the eleventh track of Wish the very night before I received this email.
Timothy: (5) Bullet With Butterfly Wings - Smashing Pumpkins - I seriously wrote the last line of this song on every line of a page of A4 paper while i was meant to be taking notes in a lecture. Enough said.
RH: I know. I understand. I was there. I'm embarrassed for that entire double-album now, though, seeing as everything on Siamese Dream is so much better.
# # #
Brian Roland writes: Okay, here's my top five "Fuck the world" and "unrequited love" songs.
5. War Nerve- Pantera
This song is just a great "fuck it" piece for when I was in a shitty mood
over school or women. Still is, minus the school.
RH: New mall-emo band title: Minus The School.
Brian: 4. 3 Libras - A Perfect Circle
Any one who has ever wanted another human being to love them and didn't
get it should here this song. It is excellent.
3. Schism - Tool
This is actually my adopted break-up song. Oh, that Maynard.
RH: Can I trade him for MORRISSEY? Or Chris Carrabba?
Brian: 2. If I could Only Fly - Merle Haggard
Yes, a country song is in here. Nobody does unrequited love like those
great Nashville legends.
RH: Or tequila shots, I hear.
Brian: 1. Payback - Slayer
This is the best song for telling off a boss, loved one or friend. Or
for just giving the world the middle finger and lighting a Marlboro Light.
RH: You listen to SLAYER and smoke light cigarettes? What's happening to my mall?
# # #
POST-SCRIPT:
